Don't Judge Me!

"We've all been there: 

someone decides that your business is their business... 

and that the way you're handling your business is all wrong! 

And then they say things..."

Dayna:

"One morning, I dropped the kids off at school (like I always do) and one of the teachers -seeing 3 kids exit and 2 staying in car seats- asked, "Are they all yours?"

Like I went and picked up 4 extra kids at 7:30 in the morning just for funsies!

By the time I picked them up, I had a decal on that side of my car that says, 'Yes, they're all ours!'

Petty? Maybe. 

Genius? Definitely.

When Beckie started homeschooling, she got these comments and questions:

"Homeschooling will make them weird!"

"They won't learn social skills."

"You're going to go crazy!"

"You'll end up sending them right back!"

"Homeschoolers suffer in math and science."

Or even the ever-so sneaky, seemingly encouraging, but really calling you crazy:

 "I could never homeschool. I don't know how you do it!"

It was as if everyone was reading from the same script! The questions kept cycling, repeating, often with the same exact wording.

Personally, I think that when we encounter something we don't see often, we get flustered and revert to questions and statements we have heard before. Like how at a funeral, people always say, "I'm sorry for your loss," or "It was their time" or "They're with God now." (Those last two in Dayna's opinion are gringe-worthy 😬)

Or how when people see you with more than one child, you get the: "Boy, you sure got your hands full!" or "You know what causes that, right?" or "Do you own a TV?"

I like to tell myself that no one is intending the insults that lurk below the surface (or right out in the open!) in all these statements. I think they are at a loss for words and simply say the first thing that pops into their mind.

And we've all been there: someone decides that your business is their business... and that the way you're handling your business is all wrong! And then they say things...

Maybe it was whether you breastfed or bottle-fed. Maybe it was how and where you let your babies sleep. Maybe it was what you cooked, whether you cooked, or how clean you keep your house.

And maybe now, it's whether you'll 

send your kids to school, 

choose the virtual learning path, 

or make the leap to homeschooling. 

So as we all embark on this crazy, upside-down, confusing, and frustrating year, let's bear in mind two very important things:

1. We are each in charge of our own family. Though many may be invested in the future of your kids, YOU are the only one who gets to make decisions.

2. Judgment sucks! When I think about the times I received judgment, it didn't make me want to do whatever the judge wanted. Quite the opposite.

As we all face the impossible decision of our children's education this fall, no choice is going to be THE choice for everyone. No choice will be perfect for even one family! And we have so many emotions already boiling in the pot, we do not need to add judgment to the soup.

Maybe what we need to do is come up with new rehearsed questions. Questions that do not mask judgment. Questions that are aimed at a deeper understanding. Questions that will form deeper bonds of support and friendship.

And just imagine it! What if we got together and the conversation looked like this (whether you're the parent in this case or the trying-not-to-be-judgmental friend):

Parent: I think I'm going to have to send the kids back to school this fall. I think they need to see their peers and have a sense of normalcy. And I need to go to work.
Friend: I completely understand. It must have been difficult to make that choice.  How do you feel about your decision? What do you need to make that happen?

OR:

Parent: You know, I just don't feel safe sending my kids to school this fall and I really need to make sure we don't bring a virus home to grandma, grandpa, or another family member. I think we will try the distance learning again.
Friend: That's great that teachers and schools are offering the option. More power to you! What help do you need?

OR:

Parent: We really didn't enjoy distance learning and I don't feel safe sending my kids to school. I think we're going to try homeschooling.
Friend: That must have been difficult to make that decision. I'm sure you will be great. How can I help? Are the kids excited?

OR:

Friend 1: Did you hear so-and-so is going to -insert school decision here- their kids this year???

You: That must have been a really hard decision for them. -the end. stop talking-

OR:

The ever-popular question, that is right for just about any occasion:

"What's your favorite wine?"

I Was Forced into Homeschooling!

It started with a phone call from the principal.

"Mrs. Gautreau, we need you to get your daughter to speak to us... in English."

She didn't know any other languages.

"She won't respond to us with anything but barks and growls," the principal explained.

She was pretending to be a wolf. She was building a den out of rugs and chairs, and reading her books in the little cave. The teacher told her to come out, she barked back. The counselor tried, she only growled. They all brought her to principal. Still barks and growls.

She was in the third grade.

The third grade.

Way too old for this behavior.

She loved wolves and was extremely imaginative, but this was not her normal behavior. This was her stressed-out-beyond-belief behavior.

Now I said it started with the phone call, but it really started way earlier. I remembered a teacher assessment from kindergarten. She had gotten the first half 100% correct. Then her answers turned into "I don't know"s. I was pretty sure she knew the answers. So I sneakily asked:

"Hey girl, mommy's trying to draw a triangle. But I forget, how many sides are there?"

And she goes, "URGH! Three, okay? The teacher kept asking me questions and I just wanted it to be over!"

She was always like that. She played by her own rules. She would get tired and stop performing. She was scary-smart, and she got bored easily because of it.

I would later learn that she was twice exceptional, meaning that she is proficient and ahead of her age group in some categories - like math and reading - and delayed in other areas - a strange soup of Sensory Processing Disorder, ADD, anxiety, and possibly autism. Which all explained how she could be failing reading comprehension, but acting out the entire plot to the classic novel, White Fang, in our living room.

All that meant that school was torture. And she was acting out because of it.

And not just her, my other daughter, my Sloth, was internalizing her own stress - like a classic middle child.

 

Sloth would wake up every single morning with a belly ache, she would "feel hot and cold at the same time," and her legs would feel "like jelly."

Every.
Single.
Morning.

Sloth would cooperate, but she was breaking down. I could see it in her glossy eyes, in her drooping shoulders, and hanging head.

After trying many different things, medications, 504s, meditation, psychologist visits, I felt called to homeschool.

We tried it out for Spring Break, as an experiment. Suddenly Sloth was waking up cheerful and healthy every morning. And Wolf was actually pleasant to be around!

And Monkey? Well Monkey doesn't care what's going on, so long as she is having fun.

But for the other two, every symptom, every problem evaporated... Only to return in full force that Sunday evening, before their return to school.

That week became our last week.

Not that all our problems were solved by homeschooling, (we are still seeking therapy for all of our issues,) but 95% of our problems WERE solved. I would be okay if they wanted to return to traditional school someday, and I hope to get them resilient enough to handle it well.

But in the words of Wolf herself, "I am NEVER going back to school EH-VER AGAIN!"

So I guess you could say it's going well?

The Quarantine Homeschool

Look. I'll be the first to say it... DISTANCE 👏 LEARNING 👏 IS 👏 NOT 👏 HOMESCHOOL. 

Now that we've gotten that out of the way. Here's a glimpse into our first taste of forced homeschool, aka "distance learning".

My kids left for their Spring Break in March and never returned to their school. Honestly, the first few weeks were a blur. And then we started getting emails about distance learning. Here were my concerns with this online school thing... 

1. I have 5 kids, 3 of them in school. I have an iPad and broken Amazon Fires for them to use. How am I going to get 3 kids on a computer every day for learning? The district did provide us with one computer, which Big Man ended up using.

2. I work from home. Sugar Daddy was currently working from home at the time. So now we've got 2 working parents and 3 online school kids and 2 toddlers.

3. (and I expressed this a number of times) What are the requirements/expectations? What if I have one child whose teachers is SUPER excited about online learning and zooms all day er'day? And then the other whose teacher is MIA? Are we going to be penalized?

So what do you know? We did have a teacher that was super excited. Good for her, but girl... again, I got 5 kids and a job.... ain't nobody got time for pajama story time Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 2PM, 4PM, and 8PM. No, thank you. Give me a packet of worksheets and call it a day. 

Let me be clear... I don't blame the teachers. We were all in uncharted waters and learning as we went along. All I ask(ed) is for some understanding. The district should have and should now set some clear expectations and not leave it up to the teacher/school. 

Big Man did pretty good. He's pretty self-sufficient. I gave him the computer and let him do his thing for as long as he wanted.

Mr. T was excited to get on and see his teacher and read books on Epic and do the fun internet games, but that was about it. 

Poor AM kind of was put on the back burner. Her lessons were A LOT of steps for one lesson. 1) sign into the school website. 2) pick the subject 3) find the day/lesson 4) watch this video 5) print this sheet 6) fill out the sheet 7) upload pic of worksheet to class message board 8) post a video of you reading the worksheet 9) comment on a classmate's post 10) sacrifice a squirrel in your backyard ... okay, I added that last one, but COM'ON! That's 9 steps for ONE LESSON... so now let's times that by 5 days, 5 subjects, and 3 kids.... again, no.

So, did this "forced homeschool" go like I wanted? Hell no! Will this upcoming homeschool go as I wanted? Probably not. But you know what? Now that the kids' district has come out confirming that at least the first 3-weeks will be "distance learning" again, I'm glad we choose to homeschool. If I'm going to be teaching my kids at home anyway, I'd like to do it MY way, on MY terms, with MY expectations.

Intro: Beckie, the Hot Mess Mom of 3

I used to teach Drama at an all-girls high school. My favorite commentary was:
"That practically teaches itself!"

What I didn't know at the time was that it would prepare me well for my own dramatic kids.

Wolf is headstrong, clever, and determined. She has a number of issues - SPD, Anxiety, ADD, and God only knows what else. My favorite story of her was when she got dressed in a princess outfit for school picture day, complete with a parasol. I told her, "You can't wear that to school."

So she changed into normal clothes, put it in her backpack, and changed back into it at school. She had never smiled so genuinely for a school picture, all because she knew she had outwitted me.

Sloth is a flower child, through and through. She is gentle, empathetic, and cries over bug squishing. I like to say she will be the future Jane Goodall of butterflies. She is a classic middle child - so her paragraph will be the shortest. 😜

Monkey is a firecracker. We swear - SWEAR - that she giggled in her sleep on Day 2 of her life. Laughter is her love language. It doesn't matter what is going on or how mad she is. If you crack a joke, she will laugh. She craves being upside down and is nearly always singing. Her life is a rock opera.

We started homeschooling recently, but we definitely don't have our act together. Most days I am wrestling with Wolf's stubborn will, trying to calm Sloth's tears over math, and trying to keep Monkey entertained!

I can't wait to entertain you all with our hilarious mishaps!

Intro: Dayna, the Hot Mess Mom of 5

How did this picture of me get on the internet? Seriously... this is pretty much me. I am the proud wearer of the same shirt every day and a good, tall, and BIG struggle bun. But enough about me... let's talk about the crazies kids.
Big Man is 10 years old, going into 5th grade, and is high-functioning ASD (PDD-NOS to be exact, but we'll dive more into that later). AM is 7, going into 2nd grade, and is a girly girly girl. I often say I'm not a "girl mom", I'm a boy mom that happens to be given girls.Mr. T is 6, going into 1st grade, and has middle child syndrome like something fierce.And then we have the M&Ms (3 & 1.5). They're just along for the ride, but like to make their needs known by lots of screaming. 
I NEVER wanted to homeschool. I was an avid "nope, not gonna happen here". I'm not a good teacher. I'm super lazy. And I did awful in school. In my head, all these things made for a terrible homeschool mom. And then we were faced with the decision of 1) do the online school crap again (DEAR LADIES, NO!!!), 2) send our children to a school during a pandemic with no end in sight (no, thank you), or 3) homeschool (DUN, DUN, DUNNNNN). And so, because the other two options suck, I'm going to homeschool these heathens. My first question to Beckie was "Is there some super easy, super lazy way to do this or what?"

So here I am. I'm lazy, kind of inappropriate, little bit of a potty-mouth with a bad temper, full of anxiety, and I'm no writer.... but damn, I love my kids and we're going to figure out this homeschool thing together. It may be a hot mess, but the least I can do is put it on the internet for the world to enjoy.