I Need a Holiday

I need a break. 

If you haven't noticed, it's been a while since I wrote anything. We've been so serious about school, and I just found out I am expecting our fourth kid! 

While all that is great stuff, it is affecting our schooling. My kids are dragging their feet with certain subjects, motivation is out the window, and I just want to sleep all day! On top of all of this, we are all stressed with all that other stuff 2020 has brought us.

So I'm going to make now until the end of the year a fun homeschool experience. I plan to pause our regularly scheduled curricula and do all the stuff I've been meaning to get to and never have the time for - and all the stuff the kids actually like.

Here's the plan so far:

I'll teach them some Christmas songs on the piano. 

We'll do regular art lessons on YouTube.

We may sign up for some interesting online courses, like the ones offered through Outschool.

Instead of math workbooks, I'll do activities from a Math Games book and a couple board games a week.

We'll do cooking, science experiments, and definitely a park/forest as many days as we can.

Beyond that, their bikes have been dirty and deflated for a while, so we'll do a workshop on bike maintenance. 

The weather's awesome, so we can do a backyard campout with survival lessons and campfire cooking. 

Our craft closet is filled with art, science, and engineering kits that we never seem to have time for. So now is a perfect opportunity for that.

Honestly, I'm getting excited just thinking about it all. It will be such a nice reset. The holiday season can be filled with togetherness and peace instead of stress and nagging. 

I'm confident that after a joyful and restful break, we will hit the ground running in January. And until then, while it seems like fun and games, they will still be learning. Total win-win!

Let me know in the comments if you you guys have any fun subjects you want to do with your kids. I love being inspired by others.

Great Expectations; or, How Beckie Learned to Let Go of "Supposed To"

I thought I knew what learning looked like.

Lectures and textbooks were supposed to be involved. Research papers, worksheets, and tests were crucial. And it happened at desks. It HAD to happen at desks. 

...Right??

Funny story - no.

Most of us are the product of a standardized, one-size-fits-all school model. And these schools have their purpose. If your kids do well in this kind of setting, that's amazing. But my kids do not. If you read my story of why we homeschool, you know why I NEEDED to homeschool.

When I envisioned bringing my kids home, initially I pictured public school... just at home. There was a way things were supposed to go. And I got very upset when my kids saw things differently.

Another funny story: I, myself, was homeschooled. From 7th grade through high school. There were some worksheets, textbooks, and tests. But mostly, I remember reading books on the couch in my pjs; long nature walks, studying the biology I encountered; and cooking/chemistry experiments in the kitchen.  

I remember reading Where the Red Fern Grows with my mom and sister, and towards the end, we were all tearing up so much we had to pass the book to whoever was crying the least!

And this is crucial for me to remember: learning doesn't always happen the way I think it does. And when I hold stubbornly to my expectations, it can cause me tons of unnecessary stress.

When I first started homeschooling my kids, I let Wolf sleep in. And my husband was shocked. He argued that she was supposed to wake and start school at a certain time.

I stared at him. I knew all too well what Wolf was like with or without sleep. The difference was life-altering. If I wanted a peaceful day, I needed her to sleep.

"Why?" I asked.

He made some point about her having to wake up on time for work later in life. But she was 9. I told him I would eventually get her up earlier, but for now, she would sleep in. And learning still happened. Whether it was at 9am or 9pm.

Sloth, my perfectionist, anxiety-ridden child, had mental and emotional breakdowns over math. I remember scraping a hand down my face, wondering how we could get through math if we couldn't do worksheets. We were supposed to do worksheets.

But instead, I asked her to read the analog clock and tell me what time it was. I gave her chore money, told her to count it and calculate what she could buy at the store. We cooked, doubling or halving recipes to practice fractions. We played board games! We learned math and had a blast while doing it.

Third example: I have struggled with getting them to write book reports. It was like pulling teeth. Lots of teeth. From crocodiles!

One day, after failing at a morning lesson, (they were supposed to write detailed answers to all my questions, but they were only writing sentence fragments!)  I took them to the library for a mental break. I found another homeschool mom and our kids played with the library toys. While I was complaining to the mom about how my kids would not write book reports, I looked over and found Monkey performing a puppet show for her friend based on the book we had just read. It wasn't written, but it was a book report - a dramatic presentation, even - that showed amazingly detailed reading comprehension!

Even now, I still have these awful stress-filled days where my kids do not perform to my expectations - what I think learning should look like. I feel like a failure. But when I take a step back and see that learning can happen in a million unconventional ways, I find peace and joy.

Maybe I CAN teach my kids. Maybe I AM a good educator. Maybe they DON'T have to go back to school. Maybe I just need to let go of how I think learning is supposed to look, and let my kids learn the way that they need.

Day 1 - A Successful Hot Mess?

Well, today was the first day of homeschool. I feel like I've been running a marathon all morning. My heart rate is up for sure. Here are some wins and downs so far...

Wins:

• They kept asking for more work.
• we were finished by 10:30AM.
• Everyone seemed to enjoy it (Mr. T needed to be redirected a few times because he was too interested in everyone else)
• They wanted to just keep doing workbook pages.

Womp Wahs:

• I didn't have all the workbooks/books I needed/ordered so that made for some stress.
• They all wanted a turn playing computer games.
• M&M wanted to play computer too, but ended up messing up the big kids' work.
• LOTS AND LOTS of M&M screaming/tantrums.
• made a cup of coffee and left it somewhere twice

Workbooks should arrive today, so tomorrow should be a little better. It's also day one, we're all learning and adapting. BUT I'd say we had a good first day.

Kids started school today. Their teacher didn't even have a bra on, it'd be a stretch to say she was wearing pants, and it looked like she didn't even brush her hair. Ugh. Someone should really tell administration.

 

Hot Mess but NOT Intimidated

Even though we're homeschooling this semester/year/pandemic, I stayed in the Facebook group for complaining concerned parents in our school district. Between comments on FB posts in the group and a few things I've heard from friends who decided to homeschool like we did, there is a LOT of misinformation (and some blatant lies) being told and assumed about homeschooling. And honestly, I'm super pissed about it. I'm sure people are trying to be helpful, but instead, they are using scare tactics to intimidate parents from making the decision to homeschool. I, for one, will not be intimidated by people who may or may not have or currently work for the district giving me "advice" on homeschooling and the "rules". 

(PLEASE NOTE: We are in Texas, so these are Texas Homeschool Requirements. Please make sure to check the requirements in your state. Here is a great resource: https://homeschoolstatelaws.com/) 

Minformed #1: [an actual comment on a concerned parent's post on the extensive at-home learning schedule] "Please, for the [...] counselors, make sure you are enrolling in a [sic] ACCREDITED program. Because if/when you re-enroll in public school the credits will not count and they will have to retake classes and the grade they are in may change to a lower level grade"
Truth: NO! No state requires that a homeschool program, curriculum, or diploma be accredited. There are public schools that aren't "accredited". Curricula aren’t accredited because they aren’t schools or colleges. Curricula are learning resources or lesson plans; curricula are not institutions—so, they can’t be accredited! Would you call a textbook publisher and ask them for accreditation? I didn't think so
Transferring back to public school from an "accredited private school or accredited online school" is still no guarantee of grade placement or credits toward a public school diploma/graduation. The district may or may not recognize the accreditation agency that accredited your learning program or private school, so accreditation alone offers no guarantees. The district MAY have a list of pre-approved online schools or private schools from whom they will accept credit, but that doesn't mean its accredited. More about accreditation: https://www.thehomeschoolmom.com/is-your-curriculum-accredited-does-it-matter/ 

Misinformed #2: You have to come to the school to fill out withdrawal forms for your child(ren). 

Truth: Again... NO! And not just no, but DO NOT! If your child is already attending a public school you must officially withdraw your child by sending a withdrawal letter to your school/district. If the school asks for additional measures: do not go to the school. Instead, respond by email or mail with a letter of assurance. Basically, this letter says "I promise I'm going to teach my kids. Stop asking me for stuff. Buh-Bye" 

Misinformed #3: My kid's school requires a report card.

Truth: Again, nope. The Texas Homeschool Law does not require you to keep records of your homeschooling, although the state of Texas encourages it. If the school asks for it, you can simply say "I do not have those records since there is no state requirement to keep them." But if you want to keep a record, go for it! It'll probably make returning to public school (if that's your plan) an easier transition. There are all sorts of homeschool report card templates out there, find one you like and use that. It doesn't even have to be anything fancy. 

Misinformed #4: The school/district needs to know my plan/lessons/curricula/grades.You have to check-in with the school/district every 9-weeks.

Truth: No, they don't. The school district also has no authority to approve (or disapprove) curricula used by private schools (including your homeschool). There aren't any reports about your homeschool or curriculum that you are required to share — either locally or on a state level. Straight from the mouth of TEA - "The TEA does not regulate, index, monitor, approve, register, or accredit the programs available to parents who choose to home school."

Misinformed #5: Colleges don't want homeschooled kids. / They're going to have such a hard time getting into a good college.

Truth: My kids are still in elementary so I'm not worried about college just yet, and I went to public school (whose counselor ended up telling me I was too dumb to go to Texas A&M). BUT Beckie was homeschooled and has some personal insight on this one...Beckie here! I was homeschooled from 7th grade and through high school. When I was looking at colleges, there were many scholarships specifically made for homeschoolers. In fact, I ended up at my university partly in fact because they had a recruiter dedicated to looking for homeschoolers and offering them scholarships. So, I guess we were doing something right!

And here are a couple of the websites I visit to find the answers to questions I (or my friends) may have:

Texas Homeschool Coalition - Requirements to Homeschool in Texas - https://thsc.org/requirements-to-homeschool-in-texas/

TEA & Homeschool - https://tea.texas.gov/texas-schools/general-information/finding-a-school-for-your-child/home-schooling

Homeschooling in Texas - https://nickitruesdell.com/homeschooling-in-texas/?fbclid=IwAR3jfnmOELsSoy5CL87KYbV2FJUMM3eKOTYNJtHL-muiQzD9lPQqaKgDQFs

Homeschool Mom: https://www.thehomeschoolmom.com/

And lastly... if you're just overwhelmed or confused or feel attacked, JUST ASK US. We may not be experts, but we can help you find the right answer (or at least articulate a snarky response). 

How to Find the Perfect Homeschool Curriculum

TLDR: Don't.

I may be having a small homeschool freak out.

Is an online program the better option?

How do we do online curriculum when 3 kids need to log in? Have different school times per kid? Do I need 3 computers? Do I need to find something else?

These are just a couple of texts I (Dayna) sent to Beckie this weekend. Thanks to FB I've seen a number of friends start homeschool already. We haven't. Honestly, I haven't done much planning other than picking the curriculum we want and buying a couple of workbooks and fancy pencils (you know the ones). When I first asked Beckie about lazy curriculums, she mentioned Easy Peasy. Easy is the lazy mom's magic word. So after checking it out, we decided on that curriculum. But now I'm having second thoughts and we haven't even started. I feel a LOT of pressure for EP to work out because I talked it up to a friend who decided to use it with their kids. So, I'm afraid of looking like a failure. 

I've become so comfortable with lazy homeschool that now I'm afraid it's going to become "stressed out because I've done nothing" school.

BECKIE, HELP!

I had a week until I brought the girls home and I had to decide on the right curriculum. 

Don't get me wrong, I love the freedom we have in Texas, where we have so many choices and only have to teach certain subjects "in a bona fide manner."

Except that I also hated it.

The choices paralyzed me!

Because it had to be perfect. I had just spent months trying to convince my husband to get on board with homeschooling, so I had to prove it was the best choice.

On top of that, Wolf is scary brilliant, with literal dreams of taking over the world someday.

The world map in Wolf's room, complete with invasion plans for every continent.

I know Sloth will grow up to be a successful naturalist, like Jane Goodall. And Monkey really gets math -and enjoys it! Next Albert Einstein. 

I had to jump start their futures! It had to be perfect!

But there were so many choices. Many of which cost a lot of money. I knew Wolf was only going to fight me on everything anyway. I really didn't want to pay $300 for a guaranteed daily fight. I mean, I could have that daily fight for free!

So I reached out to an online community and asked for their favorite curricula. 

I was hoping for answers, but instead I got words and letters that made no sense to me:

Ambleside

The Good and the Beautiful

EP

MB

K-12

And then came this comment:

"First, consider which teaching philosophy you follow, then find a curriculum that matches."

...A WHAT?

Not another rabbit hole!

My head already hurt. I was running out of time. I needed to find the perfect curriculum and fast!

Except that I didn't. 

My friend Jessica, a homeschooling mom of many, had once told me that the strength of homeschooling is the relationship between parent and child.

When she first said it, I thought it sounded true, but I didn't fully get it. Now, knee-deep in the world of homeschooling, I totally understand.

Yes, curriculum is important. 

BUT. What is more important is the environment. If they have sleep, food, and water; if they feel safe and secure; if they know they are loved and supported, they will be ready to learn.

When a child has their needs met, anything becomes a learning experience - board games, nature walks, cooking experiments!

So if you are where I was when I had a week left to plan and organize; if you're feeling the pressure of finding the perfect curriculum to prove to yourself and the world that you can do this; if you're struggling to find the books that will challenge your kids to be as great as you know they are, give yourself a break.

Don't worry about finding the PERFECT curriculum, find A curriculum - whatever works. You can change it at any time. Choose the curriculum that feels right for now.

Then focus on setting up the right environment:

-Make sure they get daily exercise, good food, good sleep.

-Give them quiet time, outdoor time, and daily exercise.

-Love them.

And the rest will follow. Because once their needs are met, they will WANT to learn. And once that happens, you won't be able to stop them.

In case you need a rundown of all your overwhelming choices...

 

There Are a Million Ways to Homeschool

I bet most of us have the same thought when we contemplate the possibility of homeschooling our kids: "I can't do this!"

When I first started, I thought there were two kinds of homeschoolers:

One was a sheltered family, holed up in a cabin in the woods where the girls weren't allowed to cut their hair, and no one was allowed to voice their opinions or watch TV.

The other was a pinterest-perfect home classroom with an expensive curriculum, well-behaved kids, and a calm mother who never lost it.

I was neither of those. So it seemed impossible for me to imagine what our home school would look like.

I knew I didn't want to spend a lot of money on a curriculum that Wolf would only fight me over anyway. So while I was preparing to take my kids out of school, I found some free sources. (Listed at the bottom) Then I planned my own lessons -based on the TEKS- and researched through Pinterest and Teachers Pay Teachers.

Sounds like a lot of work, huh? And it was. And guess what. 

It sucked. 

One or two weeks in and Wolf and I were butting heads. Sloth was sobbing through her math lessons. And Monkey just wanted to go play. I lost it. There was yelling, whining, and tantrums. And sometimes my kids would do those things, too.

They were NOT magically loving my homemade curricula! They were NOT miraculously keeping up with my projected lesson plans! My checklist became a mocking reminder of how I had fallen short every day.

Then I remembered a personal rule of my parenthood: However much time, energy, or money you put into anything is inversely related to how much your kids will appreciate it.

So we had a meeting. The girls and I talked over what worked and what stressed us out. Surprisingly, they didn't want to scrap everything.

Monkey: I like when you read books to us in the morning and ask us questions about it.

Sloth: I like when you cuddle with me during math.

Wolf: I like when you tell me what I have to do each week then let me decide when I do it.

I listened, we changed things. And suddenly, it was easy!

Aside from listening to my kids, I also changed the way I kept track of things. Instead of a checklist that didn't always get checked, I kept a blank planner and wrote down what we actually did: 

-One day, Sloth found a dead, but intact dragonfly in the backyard and held a science lab for an hour. Then she conducted an online search for dragonfly-related information. I wrote this down as "biology lab"

-Wolf requested every library book on -you guessed it- wolves, including books from the adult section. I wrote this down as "researching for an oral report."

-Monkey counted the cards out when we all played a game. I wrote this down as "introductory lesson to division."

I found that homeschooling does not have to be controlled and pinterest-perfect. It can be relaxing and -dare I say- lazy!

So now, sometimes our schooling looks like well-behaved children who wake up early and attack their lessons and chores, finishing everything before noon. Sometimes it looks like everyone dragging their feet until I realize we need a lazy day, so we all watch a documentary and discuss it. Sometimes it looks like Wolf blaring her music at 9pm while she finishes 3 days' worth of work in 30 minutes!

So as you plan what your school will look like, remember that a cute home classroom with bookshelves, desks, and chalkboard walls are just as good as a couch and a kitchen table (or in our case, the living room floor.) What matters is that it works for you and your kids.

Your school will look different from traditional schooling, other homeschooling, or even what it looked like the day before!  And when you accept and embrace that, you will find that homeschooling can be very successful, peaceful, and also lazy!

For further reference: 

Teaching from Rest - a great book about not flipping out.

Easy Peasy All-in-One-Homeschool - free online, multiple subjects from K-12

Khan Academy - free online programs

Free Forest School - a free outdoor meeting with many franchises, meetings often include natural science lessons

Don't Judge Me!

"We've all been there: 

someone decides that your business is their business... 

and that the way you're handling your business is all wrong! 

And then they say things..."

Dayna:

"One morning, I dropped the kids off at school (like I always do) and one of the teachers -seeing 3 kids exit and 2 staying in car seats- asked, "Are they all yours?"

Like I went and picked up 4 extra kids at 7:30 in the morning just for funsies!

By the time I picked them up, I had a decal on that side of my car that says, 'Yes, they're all ours!'

Petty? Maybe. 

Genius? Definitely.

When Beckie started homeschooling, she got these comments and questions:

"Homeschooling will make them weird!"

"They won't learn social skills."

"You're going to go crazy!"

"You'll end up sending them right back!"

"Homeschoolers suffer in math and science."

Or even the ever-so sneaky, seemingly encouraging, but really calling you crazy:

 "I could never homeschool. I don't know how you do it!"

It was as if everyone was reading from the same script! The questions kept cycling, repeating, often with the same exact wording.

Personally, I think that when we encounter something we don't see often, we get flustered and revert to questions and statements we have heard before. Like how at a funeral, people always say, "I'm sorry for your loss," or "It was their time" or "They're with God now." (Those last two in Dayna's opinion are gringe-worthy 😬)

Or how when people see you with more than one child, you get the: "Boy, you sure got your hands full!" or "You know what causes that, right?" or "Do you own a TV?"

I like to tell myself that no one is intending the insults that lurk below the surface (or right out in the open!) in all these statements. I think they are at a loss for words and simply say the first thing that pops into their mind.

And we've all been there: someone decides that your business is their business... and that the way you're handling your business is all wrong! And then they say things...

Maybe it was whether you breastfed or bottle-fed. Maybe it was how and where you let your babies sleep. Maybe it was what you cooked, whether you cooked, or how clean you keep your house.

And maybe now, it's whether you'll 

send your kids to school, 

choose the virtual learning path, 

or make the leap to homeschooling. 

So as we all embark on this crazy, upside-down, confusing, and frustrating year, let's bear in mind two very important things:

1. We are each in charge of our own family. Though many may be invested in the future of your kids, YOU are the only one who gets to make decisions.

2. Judgment sucks! When I think about the times I received judgment, it didn't make me want to do whatever the judge wanted. Quite the opposite.

As we all face the impossible decision of our children's education this fall, no choice is going to be THE choice for everyone. No choice will be perfect for even one family! And we have so many emotions already boiling in the pot, we do not need to add judgment to the soup.

Maybe what we need to do is come up with new rehearsed questions. Questions that do not mask judgment. Questions that are aimed at a deeper understanding. Questions that will form deeper bonds of support and friendship.

And just imagine it! What if we got together and the conversation looked like this (whether you're the parent in this case or the trying-not-to-be-judgmental friend):

Parent: I think I'm going to have to send the kids back to school this fall. I think they need to see their peers and have a sense of normalcy. And I need to go to work.
Friend: I completely understand. It must have been difficult to make that choice.  How do you feel about your decision? What do you need to make that happen?

OR:

Parent: You know, I just don't feel safe sending my kids to school this fall and I really need to make sure we don't bring a virus home to grandma, grandpa, or another family member. I think we will try the distance learning again.
Friend: That's great that teachers and schools are offering the option. More power to you! What help do you need?

OR:

Parent: We really didn't enjoy distance learning and I don't feel safe sending my kids to school. I think we're going to try homeschooling.
Friend: That must have been difficult to make that decision. I'm sure you will be great. How can I help? Are the kids excited?

OR:

Friend 1: Did you hear so-and-so is going to -insert school decision here- their kids this year???

You: That must have been a really hard decision for them. -the end. stop talking-

OR:

The ever-popular question, that is right for just about any occasion:

"What's your favorite wine?"