I thought I knew what learning looked like.
Lectures and textbooks were supposed to be involved. Research papers, worksheets, and tests were crucial. And it happened at desks. It HAD to happen at desks.
...Right??
Funny story - no.
Most of us are the product of a standardized, one-size-fits-all school model. And these schools have their purpose. If your kids do well in this kind of setting, that's amazing. But my kids do not. If you read my story of why we homeschool, you know why I NEEDED to homeschool.
When I envisioned bringing my kids home, initially I pictured public school... just at home. There was a way things were supposed to go. And I got very upset when my kids saw things differently.
Another funny story: I, myself, was homeschooled. From 7th grade through high school. There were some worksheets, textbooks, and tests. But mostly, I remember reading books on the couch in my pjs; long nature walks, studying the biology I encountered; and cooking/chemistry experiments in the kitchen.
I remember reading Where the Red Fern Grows with my mom and sister, and towards the end, we were all tearing up so much we had to pass the book to whoever was crying the least!
And this is crucial for me to remember: learning doesn't always happen the way I think it does. And when I hold stubbornly to my expectations, it can cause me tons of unnecessary stress.
When I first started homeschooling my kids, I let Wolf sleep in. And my husband was shocked. He argued that she was supposed to wake and start school at a certain time.
I stared at him. I knew all too well what Wolf was like with or without sleep. The difference was life-altering. If I wanted a peaceful day, I needed her to sleep.
"Why?" I asked.
He made some point about her having to wake up on time for work later in life. But she was 9. I told him I would eventually get her up earlier, but for now, she would sleep in. And learning still happened. Whether it was at 9am or 9pm.
Sloth, my perfectionist, anxiety-ridden child, had mental and emotional breakdowns over math. I remember scraping a hand down my face, wondering how we could get through math if we couldn't do worksheets. We were supposed to do worksheets.
But instead, I asked her to read the analog clock and tell me what time it was. I gave her chore money, told her to count it and calculate what she could buy at the store. We cooked, doubling or halving recipes to practice fractions. We played board games! We learned math and had a blast while doing it.
Third example: I have struggled with getting them to write book reports. It was like pulling teeth. Lots of teeth. From crocodiles!
One day, after failing at a morning lesson, (they were supposed to write detailed answers to all my questions, but they were only writing sentence fragments!) I took them to the library for a mental break. I found another homeschool mom and our kids played with the library toys. While I was complaining to the mom about how my kids would not write book reports, I looked over and found Monkey performing a puppet show for her friend based on the book we had just read. It wasn't written, but it was a book report - a dramatic presentation, even - that showed amazingly detailed reading comprehension!
Even now, I still have these awful stress-filled days where my kids do not perform to my expectations - what I think learning should look like. I feel like a failure. But when I take a step back and see that learning can happen in a million unconventional ways, I find peace and joy.
Maybe I CAN teach my kids. Maybe I AM a good educator. Maybe they DON'T have to go back to school. Maybe I just need to let go of how I think learning is supposed to look, and let my kids learn the way that they need.
